What do you do when being there for everyone suddenly overwhelms you and you feel like you are all alone?
I feel all alone in this world, God. Misunderstood and misconstrued. Overburdened by so much and so many. I feel like I’m going to snap. As though any moment from now I’m going to lose my mind and my grip. I want to be sane, have peace, live without stress or feeling distressed but I have no idea where to even begin. I’m stuck. Stuck between choosing to pause or to play along with everyone. This one calls for me, that one calls for me, but I need me too. Being there for everyone now has overwhelmed me. What do I do? Who do I answer? I don’t want to be the bad guy, want to be there for them. But how can I when I feel myself falling off piece by piece. Soon I will be like the wind, here today and gone tomorrow. Here now and gone the next.
A Way Forward
Wait! Maybe I need to be like the wind. Maybe I don’t have to be here forever. Could it be that all I need is to be here now and there the next? I mean, the wind blows everywhere eventually right? It ends up getting to everyone. Only it doesn’t do it at once. It could blow here now and blows miles away later and sometimes you have no idea where it is. Yet whenever it comes, you are grateful it showed up at least. I need to take a lesson from the wind when it comes to being there for everyone.
That’s probably what I need. Be here for this today, there for that tomorrow and in between or maybe for the next day, I can just be still for me. Maybe just maybe I won’t feel so overwhelmed and downcast again. My heart will leap for joy and my body will find strength, all the pieces fitting together and firmly held. The mere thought of it gives me hope and a sliver of joy that I will be fine and I will be able to see that I am not alone. I don’t have to live alone.
I can tell that when I do pause, I’ll be able to hear the voice of my lover calmly speaking to my heart. Hear as He says to me; “Thou art all fair my love and there is no spot in thee”. “I will never leave you nor forsake you. I won’t leave you helpless, I will come to you. I’ll strengthen you and uphold you”.
Oh, how sweet and comforting are the words of my lover. How I long to rest in His bosom. To have Him hold me close to Him. So, I will pause, I don’t have to be there for everyone all at once. I will pause so I can come sit at the table with my lover and find refreshing for my soul.