Have you ever wondered if you were living a life true to yourself and to God, a life of purpose or if you were just blending in with the crowd? The world and people around are very quick to tell you who you should be or not be and sometimes we let those things define us. Who you are can’t be defined by people, it’s something you have to find yourself.
I asked myself this question a lot of times, it’s probably the most pressing and troubling question I’ve ever had to answer for myself. Growing up and at quite an early age I tried to find myself, to discover who I was at different times and for a long while it seemed elusive, like I was never going to find the answer I most desperately needed.
But I really wanted to know. I had to know. I felt like I wasn’t fully living and really how could I? I would see people make statements regarding themselves, what they could do, who they were, what they wanted and for a long while I could say nothing for myself.
At some point, I gave up and just tried to fit into what people thought I was. I lived to fit people’s description and for a while, I stayed comfy there. However, the question soon came back hounding me. Who am I? I realized that I couldn’t be defined by people and so the definition I took on was faulty. It was a serious tug of war going on in my heart. I told myself at a point that I had to be the most confused person on earth.
There were days when I was totally gloomy because I really didn’t see the point of existing since I didn’t know who I was. Some days I barely just existed.
Thing is I know I’m not alone, I know there are others out there who have either felt this way or are feeling this way right now. You’ve tried everything you can think of, you tried to fit into the box created for you by others. You tried to blend in but those things haven’t been able to pacify the voice that keeps asking you who are you? The You beneath wanting to burst out even though you can’t figure it out yet. And how can it, you don’t use a screwdriver to drive in a nail now, do you? Same applies to you, you can’t define yourself by the opinions and whims of others. You have to define yourself by yourself and for yourself.
In my journey to finding myself, which right now I realize is a lifelong journey, let me share what I did and have learned with you:
For starters, you can’t define yourself based on other people’s opinions of you or who they think you should be. You have to find you and you have to give yourself time. Be patient and gentle with yourself as you embark on the journey, it’s not a onetime thing. So relax and enjoy the journey.
Secondly, don’t go around feeling bad that you don’t seem to have it all together and someone else does. Don’t go comparing yourself with another. There’s always the temptation to see someone else who seems to have it all together perfectly and you feel like there has to be something just wrong with you. What you forget though is she also has gone through and very likely still is in her own process, she’s on her own journey. You see the wins and think that’s all there is to it, but there’s more. There is more. Focus on your journey, celebrate others when they are celebrating because it is proof that if they can get that far, you also can and will.
The number one thing that has helped me as an individual on this journey so far is my faith. The creator of a thing defines the thing, he knows what it is, what it should do, all the details.
We also have a creator, someone who knows us, who knows our beginning and end, He has all the details. I would ask God time and time again, who am I and every time spent with Him, His word, and His work opens me up to know who I am, layer by layer, I find myself in Him.
I also spoke with friends, and mentors who answered my questions. They provided support and guidance when I needed it. You cannot walk this journey alone, you need people. Surround yourself with those who can help, guide and support you. If you can afford it, get a coach.
I know how it feels to be confused or to seem unable to identify and discover who you are. But I want you to know today, that you can and will find the answers you so seek, it may take a while but you will.
Just enjoy the process.